Inside Out 2: No Single Emotion Gets to Tell Me Who I Am

I was deeply moved by the first Inside Out. So when I heard that Inside Out 2 was coming out, my wife and I went straight to the theater to see it. The first film was already creative and meaningful with Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust, but I had also felt that those emotions were somewhat limited compared with the complexity of real human emotions.

Then the trailer for Inside Out 2 introduced Anxiety, Envy, Ennui, and Embarrassment, and my wife and I became even more excited to see what the sequel would explore. For me, the Inside Out 2 biblical themes become especially interesting when the film begins asking not only what we feel, but whether any one of those feelings should be allowed to tell us who we are.

When you think about it, human emotions work in a similar way. When we are young, our feelings can seem relatively simple. When we are happy, we feel happy. When we are angry, we feel angry. When we are sad, we feel sad. But as we grow older, emotions become increasingly complex. We can feel excited and anxious at the same time. We can care deeply about someone and still feel jealous of them. We can look forward to something while also being afraid of failure.

We can pretend not to care while, deep down, caring more than anyone realizes. That is why I thought the filmmakers made an excellent choice by placing Riley at thirteen years old, right at the beginning of adolescence.

Adolescence is not simply a time when the body changes. It is also a time when we become much more aware of ourselves and of how other people see us. Our relationships with family begin to change. A small comment from a friend can suddenly feel much more significant than it once did. A minor incident at school can replay in our minds over and over again. Questions begin to appear: “Why am I like this?” “What if people do not like me?” “What if I am not good enough?”

Inside Out 2 captures that growing complexity of the human heart remarkably well.

1. Growing Up Means Feeling More Than One Thing at a Time

In the second film, new emotions enter Riley’s mind. Anxiety worries about a future that has not happened yet. Envy causes Riley to compare herself with others. Embarrassment makes her increasingly aware of how other people see her. Ennui brings out that familiar teenage attitude of pretending not to care, as if being detached somehow makes a person look cooler.

Watching these new emotions made me think about something: perhaps growing up does not mean that our emotions disappear. Perhaps it means that we become capable of carrying more than one emotion at the same time.

When we are children, we may simply like a friend. As we grow older, we can like that same friend while also feeling competitive with them. We can feel excited about starting something new while also being afraid that we will fail. We may want someone’s approval while at the same time insisting, “I don’t care what people think about me.”

Even as I watched the film, I did not feel only one emotion. When Riley became anxious, I felt sorry for her, but I also understood her. When she began distancing herself from her friends, I felt frustrated with her, but I could still understand why she was behaving that way. Perhaps that was exactly what the filmmakers wanted us to experience. The human heart cannot always be explained by one clean and simple emotion.

Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that life contains different seasons—a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Our lives are not built around one emotion. The fact that many emotions can exist together does not necessarily mean our faith is weak or that something is wrong with us. It may simply be part of what it means to be human.

2. Anxiety — When Protection Begins to Rewrite Who I Am

The most important of the new emotions in this film is Anxiety. What makes Anxiety interesting is that she does not appear because she wants to destroy Riley. Anxiety wants to protect her.

The problem begins when protection slowly turns into control.

Riley attends hockey camp before starting high school, and she wants to get closer to Val, a player she admires. Anxiety immediately begins calculating Riley’s future. She needs to impress the new players. She needs to make the team. She cannot make mistakes. She should focus less on the friends she already has and more on the people who might become part of her future.

Eventually, a new belief begins forming inside Riley:

“I’m not good enough.”

I think that sentence exists in the hearts of many adults as well as teenagers. “I’m not a good enough parent.” “I’m not successful enough.” “I’m not as capable as that person.” “I need more recognition.” “I cannot afford to fail.”

At first, anxiety can seem useful because it may push us to prepare better or work harder. The problem begins when anxiety moves beyond advising us and starts defining us. Preparing for the future is not the same as rejecting who we are in the present.

Anxiety wants to protect Riley, but eventually she plants a belief inside her that says, “Who you are right now is not enough.” That leads me to an important spiritual question:

Is my anxiety advising me, or is it deciding who I am?

3. Comparison Can Slowly Turn Me Into Someone Else

I also think Riley’s admiration for Val is important. Riley looks up to her. She wants to play like her, be recognized by her, and become part of the team she leads.

That desire is not automatically wrong. We often learn by watching other people, and we can grow by following good examples. The problem begins when admiration turns into comparison, and comparison begins making us hide who we really are.

Riley slowly adjusts herself to fit the people around her. She distances herself from her longtime friends and begins changing the way she behaves in order to gain the approval of Val and the Firehawks. How often do we do the same thing?

At church, at school, at work, and even on social media, we can look at other people and begin thinking, “If I were more like that person, maybe people would like me more.” But if we keep reshaping ourselves in order to become someone else, there may come a point when we lose sight of who we actually are.

In Galatians 1:10, Paul asks whether he is seeking human approval or God’s approval. That does not mean the opinions of other people never matter. But their approval should not become the foundation of our identity.

Riley’s problem is not that she admires Val. The problem is that she begins to believe that she must become someone Val will approve of in order to be enough.

4. “I’m a Good Person” Is Not the Whole Truth Either

Interestingly, Anxiety is not the only one who has something to learn in Inside Out 2. Joy does too.

Joy wants to help Riley maintain a positive view of herself, so she pushes away memories that are embarrassing, selfish, painful, or connected to failure. From the memories she considers good, Riley begins forming a Sense of Self that says:

“I’m a good person.”

At first, this sounds wonderful. But if we think about it more carefully, that statement cannot tell the whole story either.

None of us can be reduced to only our best moments. We can love someone and still hurt them. We can act generously while still carrying selfish motives. We can be courageous and afraid at the same time. We can believe and still wrestle with doubt. Scripture itself is strikingly honest about this complexity. Peter loved Jesus, yet denied Him three times out of fear. David loved God, yet was capable of terrible sin.

But the opposite is also important: our failures do not tell the whole truth about us either.

The “I’m a good person” identity constructed by Joy reflects part of how Riley understands herself, while the “I’m not good enough” identity produced under Anxiety reflects something Riley genuinely feels. But neither statement is large enough to contain the whole person Riley is becoming.

We are more complicated than our proudest moment, and we are more complicated than our worst failure.

5. No Emotion Gets to Decide Who Riley Is

When I walked out of the theater, I eventually came to this conclusion:

It takes all of Riley’s emotions together to shape the person she is becoming.

In the first film, we learned that Joy should not be the only emotion controlling Riley’s life. Sadness was necessary too, and every emotion had a role.

But I think the second film goes one step deeper. It does not simply tell us that every emotion is necessary. It shows us that no single emotion should be allowed to define Riley’s identity by itself.

Joy is not Riley. Anxiety is not Riley. Fear, Sadness, Envy, Embarrassment, and the others are not the whole of Riley either. They all exist within her, but none of them can fully define her.

And that leads me to a deeply important question of faith:

If my emotions do not get to decide who I am, then who does?

Feeling anxious today does not mean that “I am an anxious person” is the deepest truth about me. Failing does not mean “I am a failure” becomes my identity. Feeling jealous of someone does not mean jealousy defines everything about who I am.

Our emotions are real. We should not ignore them. But our emotions are not always the final authority on what is true.

When we read the Psalms, we find remarkably honest emotions. Fear, anger, grief, discouragement, longing, and joy all appear before God. Scripture does not require us to pretend those emotions are not there. Yet again and again, the psalmists bring what they feel before God rather than allowing the feeling itself to become the final word.

Acknowledging our emotions and surrendering our identity to them are not the same thing.

6. Watching Riley Made Me Think About My Own Children

For me, Inside Out 2 did not remain simply a story about a teenage girl named Riley.

I am raising identical twin boys. They are still young, but watching Riley naturally made me think about their future. When Riley was younger, her emotional world seemed much simpler. But by thirteen, new emotions are appearing, her understanding of herself is becoming more complicated, the opinions of friends matter more, and anxiety about the future begins to take shape.

Someday, my sons will also be thirteen.

How many more emotions will they be carrying by then?

Right now, I can hold them, play with them, and often make them smile. But someday they may carry worries I do not understand. They may not want to talk. They may be hurt because of friendships. They may begin to feel that they are not good enough. They may look completely fine on the outside while Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and countless other emotions are moving around inside them.

Thinking about that did not make me question their future as much as it made me question myself:

When that time comes, will I be ready to welcome their emotions?

7. What If Parents Become Emotionally Simpler as Their Children Become More Complex?

When we see Riley’s parents’ emotions, there is an interesting contrast. Sadness often seems to have a noticeable presence in her mother Jill’s mind, while Anger frequently stands out in her father Bill’s.

Those scenes made me wonder about something else.

Children seem to become more emotionally complex as they grow older. But what if adults sometimes move in the opposite direction? What if, after years of life, our emotional world slowly becomes dominated by one familiar emotion?

When we are younger, we may have more excitement, curiosity, expectation, and openness toward new experiences. But as life wears us down, one person may become almost always angry. Another may become constantly worried. Someone else may grow increasingly cynical about everything.

“I’ve always had a temper.”

“I’ve always been a worrier.”

“That’s just how life is.”

Eventually, one emotion may begin dominating the way a person experiences life.

As a parent, that thought concerns me. When my children reach adolescence and begin experiencing more and more complicated emotions, what if my own emotional world has already narrowed down to only one or two familiar responses? What if I become unable to understand what they are experiencing?

If my child says, “I’m anxious,” will I immediately respond, “There’s nothing to worry about”? If he says he is embarrassed, will I say, “Why do you care about something so small?” If he is struggling because of a friendship, will I tell him, “You’ll forget about that eventually. It’s not a big deal”?

Something that feels insignificant to an adult may feel like the entire world to a child at that stage of life.

That is why Inside Out 2 made me realize that I should not only prepare for my children to grow. I also need to keep growing emotionally as a parent.

James 1:19 tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Perhaps one of the most important attitudes for a parent raising teenagers is exactly that. Before rushing to fix a child’s emotions, we may first need to make room for those emotions to be heard.

Instead of immediately saying, “Don’t feel that way,” I want to become the kind of parent who can say:

“Let’s talk about why you feel that way.”

8. Growing Up Should Not Mean Losing the Ability to Feel

In the end, the biggest thing I took away from Inside Out 2 is this: growing up does not mean feeling fewer emotions. Perhaps maturity means learning to understand more of them and learning how to live with them.

As Riley grows, her emotional world becomes more complicated. But that complexity itself is not the problem. The problem begins when one emotion tries to take over Riley’s entire identity.

The same is true for us. There are times when we need Anxiety. It can help us prepare for the future. Embarrassment can sometimes help us recognize how our actions affect other people. Even Envy may reveal something about what we desire or admire. Joy and Sadness are still necessary too.

But none of these emotions should become our master.

And as a parent, another question remains with me. When my children begin encountering these new emotions as they grow, will I be able to welcome those emotions without being afraid of them? Will I listen to their Anxiety instead of trying only to eliminate it? Will I take their Embarrassment seriously instead of dismissing it as something small? If they feel Envy, will I avoid immediately judging them as bad children and instead help them understand where that feeling is coming from?

And through all of that, will I continue growing as well, so that my own Anger, Anxiety, or Sadness does not react before I have even taken the time to understand theirs?

If the first Inside Out showed us that every emotion has a purpose, I think the second film adds another question:

If every emotion matters, then who is the “me” who carries all of them?

My emotions are part of me.

But no single emotion is all of me.

And in faith, even in our most anxious moments, our most embarrassing moments, and the moments when we feel most inadequate, we can return to an even deeper question:

If my emotions do not define me, who does God say I am?

Perhaps growing up is not about eliminating new emotions. Perhaps it is about learning to bring all of them before God without forgetting who we are.

And perhaps being a parent does not mean becoming the person who controls a child’s emotions for them. Maybe it means becoming someone who walks beside them while they learn to understand the complicated world inside their own hearts.

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Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.